He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
