She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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