kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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