gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize