so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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