i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
