I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
