fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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