Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
