she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We are all done wearing pants today
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
