i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
