i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
