I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
