he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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