im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
