I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
