he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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