she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
