the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
