My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
