Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
