your thong is hanging out like whoa
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
