dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All the doctor said was why
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
