On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
