I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I love having hate sex.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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