those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
