Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
