a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
