I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This house was built for laser tag.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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