this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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