Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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