whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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