Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
