I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
