Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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