Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
