Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
