Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
