I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize