I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
