I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize