My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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