We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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