so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize