I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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