I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
