Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
