Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
