so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
