What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
