Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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