This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
