I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize