wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
