Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
this hospital has no fireball
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
