Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
