24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
