My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
