My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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