I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
