OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
