Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
