If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
