Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
