I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
