He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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