some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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