bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
