she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
