Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
