He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
