Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your penis caused this!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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