so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
