You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We are two peas in an std pod
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
